


Friendship For Life

by aftermathangel



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 22:18:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 21,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1178621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aftermathangel/pseuds/aftermathangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Ryleigh moves from Indiana to Los Angeles she immediately develops a connection with Adam, a fellow outcast like herself. Soon after, a new guy enters Adam's life and their budding friendship is put to the ultimate test.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome To LA

I started in the mirror and sighed removing my shirt and plucking another one off my bed. I put it on and scrunched up my face squeezing the fat protruding outward from my abdomen trying to decide if it was good enough. It was a bit clingier than I wanted but it was my best option. I could hear my mom yelling for me from downstairs so I made my way down there grabbing my backpack on the way. I kept yanking my shirt down seeing as it didn’t really fit right and kept riding up. My mom took one look at me and sighed.

“Don’t you have anything better than that? Won’t it be annoying having to constantly yank it down?” Her eyes were so judgmental and I quickly diverted mine so I couldn’t see the look in them anymore. Even if she didn’t necessarily mean it that way it still stung at times.

“No … the rest are worse. I’ll be ok I guess.” I frowned adjusting it once more. Sometimes I wished I could just go to whatever store I wanted and be able to find something that ACTUALLY fit. She noticed my frown and gently grabbed my arm rubbing it.

“We’ll have to go shopping as soon as we’re settled ok? I know this is a big move for you. I just ask you have a bit of patience with us ok? This is a new position for your father and we’re gonna need some adjustment time. ALL of us will.” I nodded and she grabbed her keys to drive me to my new school. This was a big shift, we had moved from Indianapolis, Indiana to Los Angeles only 10 days before. I didn’t want this move. I had a hard enough time at my old school with bullying I couldn’t imagine how bad it would be here. I didn’t have any friends so it wasn’t so much that I was leaving anyone behind which was semi good I guess since I hated goodbyes with a passion. We drove to the school and my mom grabbed my arm before I got out. “You have a good first day alright. Just be yourself I’m sure they’ll love you.”

I got out of the car hoping she missed the snicker and “ _yeah right_ ” that I said under my breath. Waking in the front doors and I could immediately feel eyes on me and hear people’s snide comments. Instead of giving them attention, I pulled out my map and schedule … Math, Mr. Armstrong Room 214. Ugh I despised math it was so frustrating to me but at least I could usually grasp it semi easily. I just hoped that they weren’t working on something completely different than we were back home. The only thing worse than moving and starting a new school? Moving and starting a new school in November. The bell rang and people rushed past me into their assigned classrooms while I frantically tried to find room 214. Finally a security guard took pity on me and walked me down the last corridor to the room I needed. I walked in and immediately all eyes were on me. Right then I wanted to be invisible. Mr. Armstrong smiled at me his salt and pepper hair thick and styled tight against his head.

“Oh you must be Ryleigh. Class this is Ryleigh she just moved here from Indiana so try to make her feel welcome. You can sit down there in the front.” He gestured to an empty desk in the front row and I silently walked over sliding in its wooden opening. Immediately I got out my binder and started copying the notes from the chalkboard. At least it was similar to what we were working on at home. About 20 minutes into class the phone rang and after Mr. Armstrong hung it up he spoke up. “I have to run down to the office for a few minutes. I trust that you’ll behave while I’m gone.”

He glared at the class raising his eyebrow with a knowing grin before leaving. Immediately jeers and comments flew down at me like poisoned arrows. Most were coming from this popular kid wearing a letterman jacket his name Mike emblazoned on the sleeve. He looked like a real pompous douchebag.

“How is little farm girl Ryleigh going to survive in the big bad city. There aren’t any cousins here for her to fuck. Hey Abby looks like you’re not the fattest chick in the grade anymore. Guess you got lucky. Hey look at me when I’m talking to you!”

I tried to just ignore him instead focusing all my attention on finishing the problems assigned to us. But to say his worst didn’t sting would be a lie. The next thing I knew I was hit with a half full water bottle that proceeded to explode on me coating me from head to toe with the water. The class busted out in hysterics and I just curled low in my seat as water dripped from my hair. Mike went to throw something else at me when I heard a voice from the back of the room speak up.

“That’s … enough Mike!” The voice was loud and forceful as he stood up the desk arm creaking a bit from the motion. I couldn’t believe that someone was actually sticking up for ME.

Mike spun toward the back and glared at the kid who had started to walk down the steps toward me. I glanced over my shoulder and saw this tall slightly pudgy ginger with freckles and piercing blue eyes. To me he seemed like the kind of kid that would be content to sit in the background and not bring things on himself by intervening but here he was walking toward me.

“Nobody asked for your opinion douchefag.” Mike retaliated as the class giggled at the remark. How childish and cruel were they? Without a beat the kid looked Mike straight in the eye not even 5 feet away.

“That’s captain douchefag to you.” He saluted and walked over toward me leaning down. The class snickered but Mike shot them a glare which made them stop and quiet down. “Are you ok?” He questioned leaning down to look me in the eye as I tried my best to sop some of the water off the paper I was working on with my shirt sleeve.

“Yeah … yeah I’ll be fine.” I mumbled not wanting to say something to start Mike all over again. That was the least thing I needed.

The seat next to me was empty so the kid sat there putting his books on the desk. He reached into his backpack and handed me a couple paper towels. “Fluff your hair it’ll get it to dry faster …”

“Yeah you’d know that … faggot.” Mike shouted indignantly just wanting to start something. I could already tell I was not going to like this guy AT ALL. Adam rolled his eyes letting out a quiet sigh. It was obvious that he was all too accustomed to him saying it.

“Oh so original …”  

“Go get porked up the ass.” With that comment Adam started to slide out of the gap in the desk but then stopped and readjusted himself back into the seat. “Pussy I knew you wouldn’t get up. You don’t have your little hero here anymore to protect you.”

He looked at Adam and dramatized someone hanging themselves. I could see the pain fill Adam’s eyes as he just ignored him. I sat there and fluffed my short hair as he said.


	2. You're Just Plain Trouble Lambert

The teacher walked back in the room and not even 10 minutes later the bell rang. I started gathering my stuff when I felt a hand gently grab my arm. At first I tensed up a bit but then I realized that it was just the guy.

“Do you know where you have to go next?”

 “Yeah … Mr. Ryan drama.” As soon as the words left my mouth he got SO excited.

“That’s where I’m going too! I can walk with you if you want.”

“That would be nice … thanks.” Boy was I thankful for him right then that I wouldn’t have to scramble around and be led to another room by security.

“Don’t mention it Ryleigh … I’m Adam by the way.”

I smiled and together we started walking down to the auditorium. There wasn’t any talking to him on the way there but it sure was nice having someone walk with me. We walked in and Adam walked me up to Mr. Ryan.

“Ahh you must be Ryleigh. Thank you for accompanying her here Adam. We’re already casted all the parts for Annie but you can do stage design if you want for now.”

“Stage design is fine I’ve always been the creative type. Just tell me what needs to be done.” He nodded and gestured toward Adam with a smile.

“Adam take her back there with you and start painting those backdrops. You’ve been studying your lines right?”

“Yes sir.” He turned toward me and I smiled at him as he led me backstage to get to work.

“Who are you playing?” I questioned as swiped another coat of white paint on the orphanage backdrop. They wanted an even coat of white on the back on that it made all the colors pop when you added them on top.

“Rooster.”

“You … Rooster?” I teased cocking my head quizzically. He smirked back and playfully smeared the white paint that was on his hand across my cheek. I laughed and pushed his arm backward smearing it across his face. We started cracking up and Mr. Ryan came walking over to see what was going on. When he saw our paint smeared faces he shook his head smiling.

“You’re just plain trouble Lambert.”

“Oh this one is just as much …”

“Don’t you dare blame her … she didn’t do anything.” He looked at me and smirked knowingly before leaving shaking his head.

The class period blew by I had so much fun and Adam was soo nice to me. I had a feeling I was finally going to have a friend. He seemed as though he was an outcast as well. He was a little overweight (nowhere near as much as I was), but it seemed as though everyone else just hated him because he was gay. Or at least that’s what everyone else was saying, I didn’t know for sure if he was or wasn’t. He hadn’t said anything to me about the matter and truth be told I didn’t care either way. He got along with the other kids in the drama department and they had been nice to me as well but the rest of the student body was a whole other story. I had English next so he walked me to my classroom and promised to meet back up there so we could go to get lunch together. I enjoyed my English class, after all it was my favorite subject. Plus everyone was at least tolerant toward me and didn’t try to pull any shit. Once the class was over I stepped outside the room and saw that Adam was waiting leaning up against the wall.

“Hey Emmalyn. Did you pack or do you have to buy?”

“Pack … what about you?”

“Neither… I’m not really hungry for sloppy joe’s and I forgot to grab something before I left this morning. I thought we could go outside on the quad to eat since it’s so nice out.”

“We can do that?” He nodded leading the way outside. It totally boggled my mind that they trusted the students enough to out outside that would NEVER fly back in Indiana.

There were a few others out there but Adam walked over to the far corner and sat down underneath a tree in the shade. I sat next to him and pulled out my lunch. As I cut my peanut butter & jelly sandwich in half I could see Adam looking at it hungrily.

“Want half? I don’t want it all …”

“Sure. Thanks …” We both ate in silence and after we were done we still had almost 20 minutes left. Adam sat there nervously wanting to kill the awkward tension in the air. “So … why did you move all the way out here from Indiana?”

“My dad’s got a promotion at his job that required us to move out here.”  

“Do you miss Indiana?”

“Nah … nothing really ties me there. None of our family lives out there. They mostly all live in the San Diego area, a few up in San Fran. My parents grew up there but moved out to Indiana a few months before I was born. Adam … can I ask you a personal question?” He stiffened up a bit but looked at me with kind eyes and nodded. “Are you really gay … or are they just being immature assholes?” He looked at me and cocked his head to the side giving me a hand flick with a nervous chuckle.

“Honey … you seriously question that? I’m full fag I admit it.” For a moment there was a look on his face that I couldn’t pin point what it was. As soon as I smiled it disappeared and I realized for a spilt second he was trying to decide if I was accepting or not.

“Thank you for being so nice to me … you don’t know how much that means to me.” Tears formed in my eyes and he gave me a sympathetic look gently touching my arm.  

“You deserve it sweetheart. Don’t let anyone get to you. They’re sandpaper and yes they might scratch and hurt you, but in the end you’ll come out smooth and polished while they end up useless.”

I chuckled sniffling from the tears. “You’re like this giant well of wisdom.”

“Some people collect trading cards I find sayings and quotes I like so I can spew them out at the right time. What can I say, it’s a gift. Can you stay after school today? Every Monday and Wednesday we do set work after school for the play. We could use an extra set of hands. It’s usually only till 5:30ish.”

“I could text my mom quick and ask her. I don’t think it will be a problem though.”

“Awesome! I can give you a ride home after if you like? I mean I understand if your parents would want to get to know me first but if you need one I’d be more than happy to.”

I pulled out my phone and quick sent a message to my mom

_“Hey mom. Can I stay afterschool? Mondays and Wednesdays they do set work for the school play and I want to help.”_

_“Sure. What time do you need to be picked up?”_

_“Adam said it’s usually over around 5:30pm.”_

_“Who’s Adam? :)”_

_“A friend … he’s helping me get used to the school. He’s really nice.”_

_“I’m glad you made a friend.”_

_“He said he’d give me a ride home if you didn’t want to come get me.”_

_“Sure it’s only 5 minutes home. That would be fine. He has his license right?”_

_“Yes mom …”_ She was always so protective over me going with other people in a car but I could at least understand where she was coming from. We had been thru a lot on account of another driver’s poor decision.

_“Alright if you start feeling unsafe you tell him to pull over and you call me.”_

_“I’ll be fine … I love you <3”_

_“Love you too Ry.”_

As soon as my phone was back in my purse Adam looked up at like a 5 year old on Christmas eve.

“And …”

“She said that’s fine and you can give me a ride home. Do you have your own car?”

“Yep my grandma gave me her old car when I got my license 6 months ago since she can’t use it anymore.”

“When’s your birthday?”

“January 29th. Yours?”

“July 31st.”

“So I’m 6 months and 2 days older than you HA!” He teased lightly poking me in the arm.

“Maybe chronologically but not mentally.” My mouth immediately dropped and my cheeks blushed bright red. “I-I-I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to say that. My humor is very … I’m not good at this.” That was it that was the end of that. Way to go Emmalyn now he’ll never talk to you again.

Adam started laughing and gently pulled me into a hug to let me know everything was ok. I gently wrapped my arms around him as a couple of tears hit his exposed neck. He pulled back in alarm and gave me a concerned look.

“Ryleigh … what’s wrong?”

“I haven’t had a friend in so long … it was horrible.”

He just held me for a few seconds gently rubbing my back as I let out a sputtered cough. “Don’t you worry sweetheart. I will ALWAYS be here for you.”


	3. She's Not Exactly My Type

The bell sounded and we walked back inside. We had discovered that Adam was also in my Art class. How did I get lucky enough to have him in 3 of my four classes? The class only had two more classes to work on their previous 2 week long project so I was given time to sketch out an idea for our next one. You had to take a lyric from a favorite song and draw pictures to represent it. Once the class ended we went back to the auditorium and got to work on the set design. Mr. Ryan was THRILLED to have another set of hands seeing as there were only 10 of us there. I got to know the other people a lot better and they were so friendly as well. Maybe moving here wasn’t going to be so bad after all? We finished up about 5:45pm and I made my way out to Adam’s car with him. I gave him directions to my house and soon we pulled up outside. When we were working on the sets we had got to talking about music and I mentioned how I had a HUGE 250+ cd collection. He nearly started salivating at the thought and asked if he could come in and check it out. We both got out of the car and I retrieved my keys from the pocket in my messenger bag. We both walked in and my mom stood in the hallway. She noticed that I had someone with me and smiled walking over.

“You must be Adam right?”

“Yes ma’am.” He reached out and shook her hand with a smile. I gently grabbed his arm pulling him toward the stairs.

“My rooms up here come on.”

“Ry remember door open …”

“Alright but you definitely won’t have a problem.”

“Yeah … she’s not exactly my type.”

My mom scrunched her face up in annoyance at first thinking that he mean due to my weight but then it hit her and she realized what he meant. “Oh, well then … have fun.”

We got up to my room and sat for the next hour looking at my cds. My mom ordered a pizza and brought us both up two slices each. We sat there eating when Adam’s eyes drifted over to my dresser and the pictures I had on it. I had a couple from when I was little, one from Disneyworld, and one of my sister Emma and me that was taken a year ago on her 7th birthday.

“Who’s the little girl in the picture with you?”

“My little sister Emma. She passed away almost 6 months ago …” I stared at the picture almost like I was trying to engrain the thought of her in my head. As annoying as she was at times she was still my baby sister and she meant the world to me.  

“I’m so sorry to hear that … what happened if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Car accident … drunk driver t-boned the car right at her door. My mom had taken her out to get us all ice cream because I was having a bad day. She was still eating hers when he hit them.”

“I lost someone about 6 months ago too. You probably caught on to that a bit this morning by what Mike was saying. His name was Joshua and we were dating. When his parents found out his dad took him out back and tried to ‘beat the gay out of him’. He ended up hanging himself in his closet.”

There was no mistaking the deep inhale of air that escaped my lips. How could someone treat ANYONE let alone their child that way?!? “Oh my god that’s awful. I’m so sorry Adam.”

I could see the tears in his eyes and I just wrapped my arms around him tightly. He held onto me for a good straight minute then looked at his watch to see that it was already 7:30pm.

“I better get going. I’m really glad we’ve met Ryleigh. I’ll see you tomorrow ok? Would you like me to pick you up in the morning? I have to come past this area anyway. Say maybe 7:15ish?”

“That would be great. I’ll see you then!”


	4. You Deserve To Be Happy

Over the next 3 months we became nearly inseparable we were ALWAYS at each other’s houses. My parents accepted him 100% and they allowed me to go wherever with him because they knew that he wouldn’t let ANYTHING happen to me. It was Valentine’s Day and they were having a dance at the school since it fell on a Saturday. He had asked me to go with him and even bought me a ticket. I was sitting in the living room waiting for him to get there when there was a knock on the door. There stood Adam in his rented tux with a bouquet of lavender (my favorite color) roses. He took one look at me and smiled.

“You’re so beautiful Ry.”  

“Stop … you’re making me blush. I’m not beautiful …” I mumbled looking downward in shyness. He gently reached over lifting my chin and rubbing it.

“Hey don’t say that … you are to me.” With that he leaned down and kissed my forehead before handing me the roses.

“Thank you Addy they’re beautiful. Let me go put them in a vase quick.”

By the time I walked back in the living room my mom was there with her camera. She wanted to take a bunch of photos of us both together and apart. It took about 15 minutes but she was finally done and we were able to make our way to the dance. There were quite a few people there crowding the dance floor. They played some pretty good stuff and Adam had a blast dancing with me as I did with him. About halfway thru the dance Adam noticed a guy sitting off to the side that kept checking him out. We both could tell he didn’t go there so he must’ve been there with someone. I could tell that Adam wanted to go talk to him but didn’t want to ditch me.

“It’s alright Addy … go ahead I’ll be fine. I’ll just go sit over at the wall.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah you deserve it. Go have fun you flirt.” I smiled at him and walked over to the other side of the room and sat down.

I kept an eye on Adam as he sat next to the guy and could tell by the other guy’s body language that he really liked him. Or at least liked what he was saying. It was nearly an hour later that they both got up and walked over to where I was sitting. By that point I was bored and feeling semi abandoned. I figured he would go talk to the guy for 10 minutes not 60. Adam smiled and brought him over to me.

“Ryleigh this is Tommy … Tommy this is my best friend Ryleigh.”

“Hi it’s nice to meet you.” He extended his hand and clasped mine with a smile.

“It’s nice to meet you too Tommy.”

“It’s starting to get boring here don’t you think? Tommy and I were talking about going to the diner for something to eat” Adam questioned pausing a minute to try and figure out how I was feeling by the look on my face.

“Oh alright … well goodbye then.” I went to give him a hug goodbye when he chuckled and gently pulled me in with his arm.

“I want you to come too silly.”

“Nah I’m not really hungry. I’ll just stay here and call my mom to come get me.”

“Won’t you please come with us? I’d feel terrible if you went home.” He begged his eyes bright and pleading. It didn’t take long before I sighed and linked my arm with his heading out to his car in the parking lot. The three of us went to the diner but I didn’t really talk much spending most of the time swirling my straw in my drink. About 45 minutes later the girl that Tommy came with stopped by and picked him up because they were cousins and her family was taking him up to their lake house for the night. As soon as he left Adam looked at me. “What’s wrong Ry?”

“Nothing … I didn’t want to intrude.” I didn’t realize I was biting down as hard as I was on my lip until the metallic taste of blood spilt into my lips.

The way tonight turned out reminded me too much of how my last friendship had ended and it shook me to the core. I was trying so hard to hold in the tears of frustration but they started falling and Adam hugged me making shh noises. Then he took a napkin and dabbed at my eyes making sure to not mess up too much of my makeup.

“I ruined everything … didn’t I?”

“No … you didn’t ruin anything. Just bad memories, that’s not your fault.”

“Tell me?” He reached out taking my hand in his rubbing soothing circles on the back of it.

“The last friend I had we went to an arcade together that was down the street from my house. When we got there she saw one of her other friends and when I went to the bathroom left me there. It still hurts and a part of me thought that you were going to …” The tears fell again and Adam gently rubbed my cheek wiping them away.

“Ry never … I’d never do that to you. You’re my best friend. I’ll ALWAYS be here for you baby girl. I promise.”

“He seems nice Addy … you deserve love.”

“Yeah … I like him.” He mumbled almost like he was afraid to let the air hear the words. It took a good minute before he continued. “You want to sleep over at my house tonight? My parents aren’t home and I want to make up for tonight.”

“Addy you don’t have anything to make up for. I’m fine … I promise.”

“I’d still like you to sleep over regardless. Though don’t think I forget last time.” He raised an eyebrow and I busted into a fit of laughter.

The last time I slept over we had been messing around with makeup and he had his eyes closed. I had turned him into a clown and he answered the door to get our pizza with a face full of exaggerated clown makeup. The pizza girl was in stitches … it was HILARIOUS. I nodded and we drove to my house to pick up my stuff quick, my parents didn’t care if I was over there. When we arrived at Adam’s, we both got changed into pajamas and I curled up on the couch with him resting backward on my chest.

“I love you Ry … you know that right?”

“I love you too Adam … You deserve to be happy sweetheart. You deserve to have love.”

I kissed his forehead and smoothed back his hair. I often thought that if people didn’t know he was gay they would think we were a couple ... how wrong they would be.


	5. I Like Having You Close

The next week we were SUPER busy with school and final practices for the play. They had made me one of the orphans so I didn’t have any solo parts or anything but was still on stage a bit. I was so excited for it even though my parents could only make it to one of the performances. Same for Adam’s parents IF he was lucky. They were out of the state A LOT for work for weeks at a time. He spent most of his time alone. It was Friday night and our first night for the show. I was super nervous but Adam seemed to be pretty damn calm. He walked over and gave me a reassuring hug.

“It’s ok Ry … nothing to be nervous about.”

“How are you so calm? There’s gonna be almost 500 people there.”

Mr. Ryan walked was walking over with an empty cardboard box and chimed in with a chuckle. “Try more like 750 Ryleigh.”

“UGHHH … nooo”

I sat down on an empty equipment case and Adam followed suit gently rubbing my back to calm me … semi anyway.

“It’s second nature to me now. I’ve been doing plays since I was 5. It’ll all work out just fine … take deep breaths you’re gonna get through it promise.” I managed to pull myself together and the play went off without a hitch. Adam was PHENOMENAL the crowd LOVED him. We were hanging backstage when Tommy came walking over surprising Adam who didn’t know he was even gonna be there. Adam greeted him with a hug and they walked a few feet away to talk. Adam was laughing and about 10 minutes later he walked over to where I was chatting with a few of the other drama kids.

“Ry … what do you think about Tommy coming back with us? Do you think your parents would be ok with it?”

“I don’t think they’d have a problem. Did you say something to him yet?”

“No … I wanted to check with you first. Are YOU ok with it?” He was SO sweet always worried about how I would feel over everything. I nodded in approval and he kissed my forehead. Adam was just about to walk over to Tommy when he noticed that he was walking toward him finishing up a text. He looked up at Adam with a huge smile.

“A friend of mine said that he could get the two of us into his club, he owns Voltage Lounge. They have Teen nights the 2nd to last Friday of the month but it is SUPER hard to get in. You interested?”

I could see how excited Adam was over the opportunity but he shook his head no. “Sorry I already have plans with Ryleigh. I was going to ask if you wanted to come hang out with us.”

“Not really ... I’ve never been able to get in here before this is a BIG opportunity. Someone cancelled and that’s the only reason he has 2 passes.” Tommy looked so disappointed that Adam wouldn’t go with … he was really looking forward to hanging out with him.

“Addy go with Tommy it’s ok. We can have a sleepover whenever go have fun.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah … positive. Just stay safe ok?”

I kissed his forehead and the two of them left. I sighed and walked out in the audience to find my parents seeing as this was the performance they were able to get to. They congratulated me and handed me a bouquet of Ruby roses. My mom was looking over my shoulder with a super confused look on her face. I could tell she was searching for Adam.

“Where’s Adam?”

“A guy he’s crushing on asked him to go to a teen night at a club with him.”

“He just ditched you like that?!?” My dad huffed annoyed for a moment until I shook my head.

“No … no he didn’t want to go, I made him. Let’s just head home I’m getting sleepy.”

As soon as I got home I went up to my room and got changed. I had pulled out a bunch of movies for us to watch so I put them away and folded up the sleeper sofa in my room straitening and folding all the blankets on it.  It was about 2:45am when I got a text from Adam. I was half asleep but the noise woke me up so I sleepily stretched and reached for my phone.

_-Ry … are you awake?_

_Yeah semi … what do you want?_

_-I’m outside … can you come let me in?_

_Sure I’ll be right down._

I quietly made my way downstairs and unlatched the door. It was pitch black so I relied on my hands to feel my way back upstairs. When we got into my room I turned out my light and saw that he had a black eye and his cheek was all cut up.

“Addy what happened!?!”

“I made a horrible mistake …” Tears splashed down his face and I went to hug him. When I did he yelped out in agony. “Please don’t … everything hurts.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you. Here let’s get you cleaned up.” I went in the bathroom and got out some first aid supplies to clean up the gash on his cheek. He was super quiet other than little sobs until I was done.

“I had sex with him …”

“He did this to you!?! What happened!?!”

“No … his EX-BOYFRIEND did this to me. You haven’t even seen the half of it.” He slid off his t-shirt and I gasped as I saw that almost his entire chest was one HUGE bruise. “We were having a good time … great time actually. Just got caught up in the music and the atmosphere and we started kissing and then ended up in a backroom at the club. The owner of the club is also friends with Tommy’s ex and had invited him there not realizing that we were going to be there on a date. He walked in on us and proceeded to beat the living shit out of me.”

“Why didn’t you attack him? You’re so strong …”

“Because … because I was handcuffed to the bed …” He hung his head and I gently reached up moving his hair back from his face. “I can’t believe this happened. He’s texted me a few times but I’m too embarrassed to read them.”

“Are you ok though … you don’t think you need a hospital or anything?”

“No I’m fine. I just needed to be with someone who gets me right now. Do you mind if I sleep here? I’m exhausted …”

“Of course you can. Just let me get the bed set up again.”

He was going to fight me and take care of it himself but when he went to lift it he let out a yelp finally conceding to let me help. I helped him get comfortable and covered him up gently kissing his forehead before curling up in bed. As I laid there I could hear him crying. I carefully got up and walked over laying down next to him.

“I really … really like him Ry.”

“I know you do … why are you crying?”

“Because I ruined EVERYTHING. I gave him everything so easily. You normally can’t come back from that. Why was I so STUPID?!?”

“He wanted it too through … right?” Adam nodded and I wiped away tears lightly running my fingers thru his hair. “If he doesn’t understand how amazing you are then he doesn’t deserve to have you. You deserve someone who wouldn’t judge you like that over something you both wanted.”

“You are perfect you know that right?”

“Only if you tell me …” I kissed his forehead and got up. As I did he frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“I like having you close.” He mumbled eyes intense yet completely broken.

“I can’t stay on this thing it hurts my back. You can come up in my bed with me if you want …

I laid down and after he semi fixed everything, I felt the covers pull back and his warm body next to me. He always allowed me to snuggle against him but I didn’t want to with the bruising. So instead he lightly wrapped his arm around me and held me against him. I ended up drifting off listening to the sounds of his quiet snores.


	6. Too Damn Stubborn

By the time I woke up in the morning Adam was already in the shower. A few minutes later he walked back into the room in his sweats his hair dripping on my face as he leaned down to kiss my forehead.

“How are you feeling?”

“Sore … but I’ll manage. I’ll have to work on disguising my eye with makeup.” His eye was a mess of black and purple … it looked super painful.

“Hungry? I’ll go make you breakfast.”

“Don’t be silly sweetheart … I’ll help too.”

“Did you check your texts?” I questioned sitting up on the edge of the bed my joints cracking from the movement.

“No … no I …. I can’t. Can you … read them?” He shakily handed me his phone and I pulled up the texts. Tommy had sent him 10 messages since the night before. They all said a variation of that he was sorry and to please answer him that he was really worried. I was finishing reading Adam the last one when he called the phone. “Can you answer? Tell him I’m in the shower.”

I nodded and he smiled before starting to walk downstairs. I hesitated a moment and answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Oh hi Ryleigh … umm is Adam there?”

“No he’s in the shower right now.”

“Can you tell him when he’s done to come downstairs? I’m waiting outside.”

“Oh no we’re not at his house. He stayed the night at mine.”

“Oh … how is he? Is he ok? How bad is he?” I could sense the worry in his voice … it was so quiet and timid.

“He’s in a good amount of pain. Has a black eye, scratches all over his cheeks, and pretty much his whole chest is bruised. So you could say he’s in pretty bad shape.”

“Ryleigh … you have to know that I … I didn’t mean for any of this to … happen. I really like him … I think I’m falling for him and …”

He was getting choked up and I sighed. “I know … he thinks that he screwed up last night. That he ruined everything between the two of you because of the sex.

“He … he told you about that?” It was like I could picture his cheeks turning bright crimson … he was SO embarrassed.

“Yeah … sorry I shouldn’t have brought it up. We tell each other EVERYTHING.”

“No it’s ok … I just didn’t think he’d want to talk about it. I’m ok with you knowing I don’t mind. It seems like you two have a great relationship.”

“Yeah … I love him to death. He’s everything to me. In a purely platonic way of course.” Tommy laughed which made me giggle a bit. “Why don’t you come over to my house? We’ll be hanging around back so just walk around the house. He might feel a little more comfortable talking to you if I’m here. I hope you don’t mind that I’m around.”

“No … no of course I don’t mind. We’ll have to get to know each other better since you’re such a big part of Adam’s life. Yeah sure, where do you live?”

I gave him my address then walked downstairs. Adam was finishing helping my mom plate our breakfasts. I walked over and handed his phone back to him.

“Let’s go eat out on the back patio. It’s beautiful out this morning.” He gave me a suspicious look but grabbed our jackets and followed me outside. It was sunny and the wind was completely still.

“I know you’re hiding something … spill.”

“Tommy is on his way over here …”

“What?!? Oh no … no you didn’t Ry.” He looked so panicked but I knew this was the best option. I knew if I was there it would all work out we just needed to get thru it.

“He really likes you Addy … he was crying on the phone when I told him the shape you’re in. He begged me to believe that he didn’t want any of that to happen. I thought you would be more comfortable talking to him with me here so that’s why I did it.”

He nodded in agreement but his heart was still thumping like a jackrabbit in his chest. It took about 10 minutes but then we heard footsteps approaching from the front of the house. We both turned and Tommy walked over.

“Hi Tommy. Glad you found the house ok.”

“Hi Ryleigh … yeah it wasn’t too hard.” They were both so nervous and could barely look each other in the eyes.

“If you’re hungry there’s extra food in the kitchen. I can go get a plate for you if you want?”

“Oh um … sure.”

Adam tensed up realizing I was trying to give them a few minutes alone. I gently rubbed his arm as I walked past to reassure him that everything would be completely fine. I walked inside and saw that my mom had been watching out the kitchen window.

“Who is that? Is that Adam’s boyfriend? Is he the one who hurt him?!?”

“Yeah … his name is Tommy, and no it wasn’t him.

I placed some food on a plate and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs allowing them some time to talk. They curled up next to each other on the porch swing and Tommy had his arm around Adam. Adam smiled and relaxed resting his head on Tommy’s shoulder. I walked outside and Tommy smiled taking the dish from me and starting to eat.

“Thanks Ryleigh.”

Adam smiled at me and moved down a bit allowing space for me to sit on his other side. He leaned over and kissed my forehead pulling me close so I was snuggled under his arm.

“Thanks Ry … without you I would’ve been too damn stubborn.”

“Yep you sure are a stubborn ass at times.”

“Hey!”

We all started laughing and ended up spending the whole time until we had to get to the school for that night’s performance together.


	7. The Three Amigos

I started to really get a feel for Tommy’s personality and really found out how much of a sweetheart he was. The three of us formed a really tight bond and I started calling him TJ. Only Adam and I were allowed to call him that. Just like only Adam, Tommy, and my parents were allowed to call me Ry. Before we knew it summer was here and we hung out ALL the time. It was a Friday morning and the three of us were headed to Anaheim to go to Disneyland and then we were staying the night. Granted it was only 35 minutes away but it would be nice for a change of scenery. The boys were even more excited than I was posting like crazy about it on their Facebook pages it was ADORABLE. The whole day was spend acting like kids it was hilarious. The park closed at 10pm so we made our way back to the hotel to relax and have some fun. We put in some movies to watch and the boys went to get us drinks in the vending machine. A few minutes later they came back in and immediately started wrestling on the bed. I went to take a drink of my soda and it was really warm. I gagged and immediately recapped the bottle. My noises stopped them and they looked at my curiously Adam stepping toward me.

“What’s wrong Ry?”

“The soda is piss warm. I’m gonna go get us some ice from the ice machine on the 4th floor. I’ll be back in a few.”

“Want me to come with you?”

“No that’s alright I’ll be fine. Have some quick fun while I’m gone you pervy boys.”

I smirked at them and got on the elevator with the ice bucket. When I got to the 4th floor I walked over to the ice machine and stood for a moment filling it up. When it finished I turned around and there was a guy standing in front of me. I smiled and said hello but then he gently grabbed my arm.

“You’re Ryleigh aren’t you?” My eyes grew wide with fear … how the hell did he know my name?!? I couldn’t even speak before he wrapped duct tape over my mouth and grabbed my arms harshly handcuffing them behind my back. The ice bucket fell to the ground spilling its contents all over the carpeted hallway as the ice cubes slipped and slid across the floor. I tried to make some kind of loud noise but it was impossible. He yanked me into a supply closet and shut the door behind us. He took his hand and grabbed a tight hold on my throat forcing me to look him in the eyes. “I tried to hurt Adam but failed to kill the bastard. Now I see that Tommy is friends with you as well. That makes this even better. So I’ll just hurt the both of them by hurting you …

He proceeded to rip my clothes off and forcefully rape me. I was making little strangled cries but they were muffled enough that nobody could hear. He could hear the elevator descending so he quickly finished up and after tossing the key on the floor near me, left my exposed body lying there. I was completely broken and sobbing uncontrollably. About 15 minutes later I heard Adam and Tommy out in the hallway. They saw the puddle of water and bucket on the carpet and started calling for me. I tried to make as loud of a noise as I could and they must’ve been able to hear me through the cracked open door and walked inside. Adam made a strangled shocked noise and bent down to free me from my restraints while Tommy ran upstairs to get me clothes. Adam happened to have a blanket wrapped around his body because he was cold so he wrapped it around me. He went to pull me close to him and I recoiled in complete terror. I didn’t want anyone touching me.

“Ryleigh … what happened?!?”

“He … he raped me. Tommy’s ex … raped me.”

I had backed up into a corner afraid and Adam was just standing there sobbing. He wanted to make everything better and he knew this time he couldn’t. Tommy walked back in the room with clothes and handed them to me. They walked outside so I could change and I could hear them out there calling the police. I was just so out of it I ended up passing out. When I woke up I was in a hospital bed in a room with glass walls. I could hear my mom and dad screaming and looked over to see that they were taking their wrath out on Adam and Tommy. Adam noticed I was awake and went to open the door but my dad grabbed his arm pushing him backward screaming that they weren’t permitted to see me anymore. I looked over at them and just started crying. I suddenly wanted them close … especially my Addy. My mom and dad came in the room but I ignored them instead staring at Adam and Tommy who had their faces pressed up against the glass. My dad noticed where my glance was landing and walked over threatening to call security if they didn’t leave. I took one last look at the two guys who meant the world to me as they slowly turned and walked out of sight.

My mom rested her hand on my cheek rubbing it lightly. “Oh my poor baby … everything is going to be ok. I can’t believe we trusted them to care for you.”

“But I …”

“No … no princess don’t talk. Just relax. We’ve taken care of everything. We’re moving up to San Francisco.” For my dad to think moving would suddenly make everything fine again was so naively wrong … so completely stupid.

I just let out a little squeak of protest but my dad shushed me.


	8. Reunited And It Feels So Good

The next year was the loneliest I had ever felt. I was 100% miserable and mostly kept to myself. At least the kids left me alone at school because they realized that their bullying didn’t get any reaction from me. To them it wasn’t worth the effort so they put their time into more gratifying targets. My parents had blocked Adam and Tommy from contacting me and I missed them more than anything. I wasn’t allowed to leave the house by myself other than for school and even then my mom dropped me off and picked me up. Luckily my aunt lived nearby and I often spent time at her house. She didn’t understand why my parents wouldn’t let me see them if I wanted to. It wasn’t as if I was abandoned somewhere by them it was my choice to go get the ice by myself. She had given me money for graduation but as a surprise had also contacted Adam and Tommy and bought them plane tickets to come and visit. I had no idea. I was staying at my aunt’s for a week and she told me she had to run to the store. Instead she went to go pick them up. When she got back I was sitting on the couch. As I turned to get up to help her with the bags Adam was standing there. I let out some kind of jubilant noise and wrapped my arms around him sobbing on his shoulder. He had lost so much weight since I had seen him last.

“I missed you … I missed you so much Addy. You look amazing … you lost so much weight.”

“You too angel you look GORGEOUS. I missed you so much Ry … so very much.”

“Just 30lbs.” I mumbled burring my head into his neck so I could ingrain the smell into my nostrils.  

I let go of Adam and walked over to Tommy giving him a huge hug as well. Having these two wonderful guys with me for the whole week was magical. It was like I’d never been without them. When they had to fly back I cried … I didn’t want to be without them. They promised they would find a way to stay in touch but that didn’t come to be. My parents found out they were there and forbid me from seeing my aunt and took away my cell phone. They also forced me to go to a college all the way in Pennsylvania or they wouldn’t pay for my schooling. I went to not start problems but I had the worst time ever seeing as they still managed to control my Facebook and phone. I didn’t even know either of their phone numbers to contact them anymore. When I graduated with my masters in teaching 6 years later. I moved back to California and got a job teaching at an elementary school in San Diego. It was the 2nd Friday of the school year and at the end of the day the whole class was excitedly talking about a free concert that some singer was putting on that night. I finally gave in and decided to ask who they were talking about.

“Who is putting on a concert?” A little girl named Emily quickly raised her hand up excited beyond belief. She was a precocious little thing with billowy blonde hair and hazel eyes.

“Oh Ms. James … he’s really really good promise!”

She reached into her backpack and pulled out a flyer. When I saw it I gasped. On the flyer was Adam.

“Can I keep this Emily?”

“Sure! Ms. James are you going to come too!?!”

“Yes I am.”

As soon as all the kids left I immediately went home to my apartment to get changed and make my way over to the fairgrounds where the show was going to be. There was a small crowd gathered and I could make out Tommy and the other band members unloading their gear off to the side. I knew I had to get back there. Everyone was calling out ‘Tommy’ or ‘Tommy Joe’ and every once in a while he’d look over and wave. I started yelling but it wasn’t getting his attention. Then I realized what I had to try.

“TJ!!!”

Hearing that his head shot up as the whole crowd grew quiet. I wasn’t sure if he would recognize me or not … I had lost 150lbs since I’d seen them last. He put the equipment down and curiously walked forward. I was toward the back of the crowd so he couldn’t see me.

“Who said that?”

The crowd parted and I walked toward him. “I did …”

He paused for a moment but then his eyes filled with recognition and he gave me a brilliant smile.

“Oh my god Ry!!! You look … amazing. Come here …” I walked over and he smiled wrapping his arms around me and squeezing tightly his hands tenderly rubbing my back in greeting. “Why don’t you come back with me I’ll get you an all access pass.”

“I’d love to TJ.”

I waited for a few minutes while Tommy went and got me my pass. After he returned I slapped the sticker on my jeans and together headed toward the back of the stage where Tommy asked the sound crew to finish setting up. We walked back to a trailer and sat down to talk since Adam wasn’t there yet.

“So how have you been Ry?”

“Really good. I’m teaching 3rd grade here. How have you guys been? I’ve missed you both SO much.”

“We’ve been good … great actually.” He nervously brushed his hair back and I noticed he had a wedding band on his finger. I let out a happy shriek that practically scared the living shit out of him.

“You got married!?!”

“Yeah … about 6 months ago.” He was beaming as I hugged him tightly again.

“I’m soo happy for the both of you!! My two favorite guys in the whole wide world are married. I can’t believe I missed it though … I feel awful.”

“Oh Ry … don’t be. It was just a private ceremony … only the two of us.” He realized how his last words sounded and he stammered a bit. “Of course you would’ve been invited though. Oh Addy is going to be SOO excited to see you. He should be here any minute.”

As if on cue the door of the trailer opened and Adam walked in. When he walked in we were both still out of sight.

“Hey babe I’m here finally. Traffic was a bitch. We could go do soundcheck but I think I’d rather have some fun don’t … you?” I was curled up on Tommy’s lap and at first he didn’t recognize me. “What the hell?” I got up and walked over toward Adam. It took a moment but then a brilliant smile filled his face. “Ryleigh?!? Oh my god sweetheart I can’t believe it’s you!! You look AMAZING!.”

He wrapped his arms around me and snuggled me against him. His smell made amazing memories come flooding back. I felt his lips kiss my forehead like he had done a 1000 times before. “Thanks … so do you Mr. Singer-man. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you … that means a lot coming from you. Did Tommy tell you the news?”

He proudly lifted his hand showing off his ring and I nodded giving him a smile.

“Yeah … I’m so happy for you both. You deserve to have love.”

“Are you dating anyone?” I quickly shook my head no and lowered my head embarrassed. Things had NOT been easy for me these years that’s for sure. “Ry … what’s wrong?”

“No … I don’t want to talk about that right now. You have a show I don’t want to be a downer.”

“Hey … I don’t mind there’s plenty of time. Come on come sit with us.”

I walked over and sat in between the both of them. I sat there hesitating for a moment and sighed.

“I just can’t be around guys … ever since … I feel like they’re going to hurt me. I only trust the two of you … I’ve tried I just … can’t.” I broke down and sobbed as both of them wrapped their arms around me. I felt loved and protected for the first time in a long time. “I love you both … so much. All these years without the both of you … I’ve been so scared.”

“You’ll never have to be afraid again sweetheart. We’re here … we’re here Ry.”

“Yeah Ry … we won’t let anything happen sweetheart.” As my head lazily rested on Adam’s shoulder he gently rubbed circles on my scalp. It felt so right … so perfect. “We have to do sound check … come with us?”

As soon as I nodded Adam bend down in front of me wanting to give me a piggy back ride. I giggled and got on his back as we walked toward the stage. We had to go in view of the crowd and they were yelling at Adam and snapping pictures of us. I could hear them yelling who’s the girl and I thought it was hilarious. Getting to sit on the edge of the stage to see them rock out was something spectacular. Soon they allowed the crowd in. I was allowed to stand stage right and I stood in awe. Damn they were phenomenal … I couldn’t believe it. After the show I went back to the trailer and curled up on the couch. I was suddenly super tired. I don’t know how but I ended up falling asleep. When I woke up I was in a warm snuggly bed with the softest sheets known in existence. I sat up confused as to where I was but then Tommy came walking in the room.

“Hey sleepy girl. It’s about time you get up. We didn’t know where you lived so we brought you back up to our place. You didn’t even stir. When you’re fully awake come downstairs Adam is making brunch.”

I nodded and Tommy kissed my cheek before retreating back down the steps. I walked out of the room and I was in awe of this house. It was HUGE … how the hell famous was he anyway? I got down to the kitchen and Adam smiled from the kitchen table patting the chair that was on one of his sides. I sat down and he gave me a kiss.

“Good morning Ry … did you sleep well?”

“Too well apparently …” I sat there quietly and ate all the food on my plate. It was so delicious my mouth was watering. After we finished Tommy went for a run but Adam and I just sat there. “The house is beautiful … really it is.”

“Thank you … We’ve been so blessed. We leave for NYC tomorrow afternoon. It’s amazing seeing all these countries and cities. I never could’ve imagined all this.”

“Neither could I … Rooster Hannigan to this.” He playfully pushed me and I just gave him a hug. “I love you Addy … always have always will.”

“I love you too … so much Ry. It’ll be ok we won’t ever stop talking again. You don’t have to listen to your parents anymore. We’ll always stay in touch. Always …” He ran his fingers thru my hair and I just sighed … would things really work out as well as he thought?


	9. Welcome To The World

** 6 years later **

I was lying in a hospital bed holding this little bundle of pink blanket. She was just perfect … so beautiful. I couldn’t believe that I was a mom … that this little girl I held in my arms was my daughter. The door softly swung open and Adam and Tommy walked in the room as I smiled at them. Adam walked over with a look of awe on his face.

“There are the godfathers … come meet your god daughter.”

“Sorry we took so long to get here … we got stuck in London. I really wanted to be here with you through everything …”

“Hey it’s alright … this way your hands are intact.” I handed her off to Adam who sat next to the bed holding her with a smile. As soon as he took her, her eyes were intently on her face.

“Hi little miss … your godfather loves you soo much Lillian Grace. You have no idea how much you are loved little one.” He looked up at Tommy and smiled. “Wanna hold her?”

“Oh, uhh sure …” He was so nervous and Adam cocked his head to the side in complete confusion.

“What’s wrong? Why so hesitant?”

“I … never held a baby this little before.” 

“It’ll be ok godpop … you’ll need to get plenty of practice. Especially with us being at the house now I expect you both to change some diapers. Just saying …” They both laughed and Adam handed my precious little girl over to Tommy who held her close just staring into her little eyes. I could tell that she had him wrapped around her little finger already. I just looked at Adam and reached over rubbing his arm. “She looks like you don’t you think?”

“Yeah she sure does …”

He had been completely selfless and donated sperm so I could be a mom. I still couldn’t believe that he had done that. Plus they both had opened up their house to us and converted one of the guest rooms into a nursery for the little princess. They were going to spoil her ROTTEN and I couldn’t wait for her to grow up with these amazing guys to nurture and guide her thru life. They had timed it so that they wouldn’t be full-time touring the first 18 months of her life so that they could really bond with her. She ADORED them. They had left the week before for a 6 month worldwide tour and she had been miserable for me. She missed her Ad and Tee. She was sitting on my lap when my phone started ringing. I pulled one of my arms out from behind her and answered it.

_“Hello?”_

_“Hey Ry.”_

_“Hey sweetheart… how was your first show last night?”_

_“Really good … the crowd was crazy insane. How’s my little princess?”_

_“Misses you both like crazy … she’s been miserable for me.”_ I could hear him let out a sad little sigh … as much as he loved to sing he HATED to be away from her.

_“I’m gonna hang up … I’ll call you back on face time alright?”_

_“Ok …”_

A few minutes later I got the face time request and held my iPhone out in front of Miss Lilly. She saw Adam and started bouncing on the couch in excitement.

“Ad!!”

“Hi princess … Ad misses you so much. I love you baby girl.”

“I love you … see Tee? Adam chuckled a bit brushing his bangs back with his hand.

“Tee’s sleeping. Can you give the phone back to mommy now?” She nodded and kissed the phone screen before handing it back over to me. Once I had it back his face looked so sad and broken. “I miss you both so much Ryleigh. I didn’t think it would be this hard.”

“Hey … it’s alright we’ll all get through it. Might be hard but we’ll make it work.” I could tell that he was at the venue seeing as sound guys were walking in and out of view. “I’ll let you go ok I see you’re busy. Give Tommy a kiss for me.”

I kissed the phone screen and he did the same.

“I love you Ry.”

“And I love you always … you’re gonna have an AMAZING tour superstar.”

Lilly was the perfect baby, she listened so well and was such a little sunshine. She managed to get through 3 months without the guys mostly because they face timed us almost daily. Those few minutes were so precious, the highlight of both of our days. Suddenly about 16 weeks in all contact stopped. I was starting to get SUPER worried so I texted him.

_“Hey Addy … I know you’re probably super busy but I’m starting to get a little worried. Can you just send me a quick text to let me know you’re ok?”_

It took about 10 minutes but I got a response. _“I’m here … super busy. Can’t talk right now.”_

I thought his response was a bit strange for two reasons. First off he had ALWAYS said he was never too busy to face time us. He had even face timed us once sitting on the toilet. And Second he ALWAYS ended his text with ‘love you’ or ‘xoxo’. I went online and looked up recent videos and I was shocked to see how awful he looked, super sad and he had lost even more weight. Then I noticed his fans talking about Tommy leaving … what the hell happened? I knew that he needed me whatever it was so I bought a plane ticket and flew to North Carolina where he had a show that night. It was only about 1:30pm when we pulled up at the venue so I hoped I would at least run into one of the security or stage people. Sure enough one of the sound guys who I was really good friends with was standing on the side. Lilly was super close with him as well.

“Hey Nick.”

His head shot up and he walked over throwing his arms around me in greeting. “Hey Ryleigh … hey Lillybug you’re getting so big princess. Did Adam call you?”

“No … is he ok?” The look on his face scared me and when he shook his head no I cringed.

“Not really … I think you should go see him, he’s in there. I’ll watch the baby for you.”

“Alright … Lilly you stay here with Nick ok? Mommy will be back soon … I promise.”

She gave me a kiss and then happily went to go play with Nick. She was such an easy going baby she LOVED people it didn’t take long for her the bond with others. I walked over to his trailer and slowly opened the door. He was laying on the couch crying. When he heard the door he stopped and harshly yelled out.

“What did I tell you people!?! DON’T FUCKING COME IN HERE!!!”

He reached down and grabbed a liquor bottle and took a long swig. I walked over to see that he had closed his eyes. I leaned down and gently ran my fingers through his hair like I had so many times over the years. Recognition filled his face and his eyes opened. Immediately he sat up and his eyes welded up with tears.

“My poor Addy … what happened?”

“He … he left me Ry. Tommy left me for some bitch.”

“What?!? …” There was no way Tommy would do that he HAD to of been lying … right? Adam bit at his lip anxiously wanting something to distract him.

“Yeah … I have nobody again. He hated that I cared about you and Lillian so much. He was so jealous over her. I don’t know what to do Ry …” His cries came out ragged and broken leaving him a gasping sputtering mess.

“I’m so sorry … when did this happen?”

“About a month ago …”

“You should’ve called me … you needed me.” I sat down next to him but that wasn’t good enough. He pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms tightly around me like I was a security blanket. Tears soaked through my shirt as I lightly ran my fingers up and down his back comfortingly. “I’m here … shhh. You’re not alone anymore … I’m here.”

I finally got him calmed down and he laid down bringing me down on his chest. He gave me a small smile as his lips pressed my cheek.

“I love you … thank you for coming. I really need you here, even if I didn’t want to admit it to myself.”

“Anytime … you’re everything to me. I could tell that my bestie needed me and when you need me nothing can come between me getting to you.” My hands gently rubbed circles on his scalp and his breathing slowed his head ever so lightly resting on my chest.

“Where’s the baby? Did you bring her?”

“Outside with Nick.”

“Can you go get her? I really want to see her. I don’t want to go outside yet … my head hurts far too much to take the screaming.”

“I sure can. But first …” I went and got a cold rag for his forehead. My hands gently placed it on the skin and rubbed his temples for a few minutes. Every muscle in his body relaxed until a few minutes later when he interrupted the movements.

“That felt amazing … thanks Ry.” He murmured the tension leaving his face.

“Anytime … I’ll be right back ok?”

He nodded and I quietly left the trailer to go looking for Nick and Lillian. I found them over by a small group of fans who were fawning all over Lillian. Adam frequently posted pictures of her and they knew that she was his goddaughter. Boy was she eating it up … she was such a little ham it was adorable. She saw me and took off running toward me.

“Come on Lilly Ad wants to see you.”

“I go see Ad?!?” Her little eyes lit up like I had just told her she could have chocolate for breakfast. She loved him SOO much and it was beautiful to see.

“Yes but Ad has a booboo can you stay quiet for him.”

She nodded and I picked her up carrying her across the fairgrounds to the trailer. When we got inside Adam was sitting up and Lillian’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. I put her down and she quietly went over and climbed onto his lap snuggling against him. Tears filled his eyes and a few hit her. She looked up with a concern filled face and frowned.

“No cry Ad.” She reached up and patted his cheek. He smiled and snuggled her close. Then he littered her face and neck with kisses making her giggle.

“I love you baby girl.”

“I love you …”

He wiped his eyes and Lilly yawned and ended up falling asleep in his arms. She looked so peaceful and Adam looked so calm.

“Take a picture please?” I took his phone and snapped a quick picture. He took it back and quickly uploaded it to instagram with a caption …

_@adamlambert: Reunited and it feels SO good :) … I love this little girl and her beautiful mama with every ounce of my being._

The stage techs came in to ask Adam to go to sound check but he didn’t want to wake her up. I gently reached over and managed to transfer her over to my lap without so much as a stir. She was still sleeping when he came back almost 45 minutes later but I had laid her down on a small cot in the corner. Adam walked over and sat next to me with a brilliant smile. He snuggled up against me and he pulled out his iPhone again. He smiled and snapped a picture of him kissing my cheek. Again he posted it on instagram.

_@adamlambert: My beautiful best friend and the mother of my goddaughter. She’s always been in my corner and I know I can always count on her. I’m so happy and thankful that she came here with Lillian. I was stubborn and didn’t want to admit that I needed her. Somehow she just knew. I love you Ryleigh <3_

“And I love you Adam Mitchel Lambert. I don’t want you to give him any benefit by being upset. He doesn’t deserve that satisfaction.”

“I know … now that I have you here I might be able to do that. I felt so alone Ry …”

“I never want you to feel alone you always have me … ALWAYS.” He looked into my eyes and our lips met. He kissed me for a few minutes then pulled away. I was shocked … he had never done anything other than a little peck on the lips. He looked at me and misjudged the look on my face as one of being upset.

“I … I’m sorry Ryleigh, I …” He stammered his face bright red and eyes so twitch and nervous.

“No … no it’s ok, just surprised me is all.”

“You like?” He smirked and I nuzzled my face into his neck. He lovingly rubbed my back and I felt so amazingly loved right at that moment. I didn’t want to move I just wanted to stay there forever. “I can get you a 6th row center aisle seat I think it was if you want. We have some noise reducing headphones around here for Lilly.”

“Sure … I’d love to see you perform live again and I know Lilly will get a kick out of seeing you up there.”


	10. I Almost Lost Him

He got us the ticket and gave me headphones for Lilly. She woke up and was SO excited when I said we were going to watch Adam sing. It was only about 30 minutes until the show so we gave Adam good luck kisses and made our way to our seats. Of course SO many people came up to say hello to us. The girl who was sitting next to me arrived and got so excited when she saw we were sitting next to her.

“Oh my god I can’t believe I get to sit next to you two. She is such a doll Ryleigh. Hi Lilly …”

“Hi!”

“Thank you she’s my world.”

“Is she really THAT close with Adam? It seems he’s ALWAYS posting pictures with/of her.”

“Yeah she adores him almost as much as he adores her.” Lilly started getting fussy sitting on my lap and was getting fidgety wanting to get down.   

“Momma … Ad!” Her words came out a little whiney protest and I gently rubbed her cheek.

“He’ll be out soon Lilly.”  

“Is this her first time seeing one of his concerts?”

“Yeah … I’m curious to see how she’ll do. I think once he’s on stage she’ll be ok.”

She kept struggling to get down, she wanted to walk around and explore this brand new environment. So I excused myself and held onto her hand so she could walk around a bit. So many people were pointing and saying “ _There’s Lilly!_ ” She was beaming and waving at everyone. Cameras were flashing and people were laughing at how much of a ham she was like Adam. I could tell the show was about to start so I scooped her up and brought her back to our seat with her fussing a bit. As soon as he hit the stage it all stopped and she just stared in awe at him. About halfway thru the show he looked out and started waving at her. Then he looked at me and gestured that I bring her over. I got up and walked over handing her up to him. He had her in his arms and she wrapped her little arms around his neck in a hug.

“Hey baby girl. Can you tell everyone what your name is?”

“Lilly.” She giggled burying her head in his neck.

“And how old are you.”

She beamed putting up two fingers. “Two!”

The crowd awed at her … they were totally in love with her. Even more so than I realized. Adam looked down at me and motioned that I come up on stage too so I made my way over. Lilly watched me walk over but figured she’d stay with Adam as long as she could. I didn’t blame her seeing as she hadn’t seen him for months.

“In case you don’t know this is my best friend Ryleigh. Lilly is her daughter. Without this girl right here I don’t know if I would’ve been here tonight. I know there have been rumors swirling around as to why Tommy left. I know everyone has been asking me to explain on twitter but I wasn’t ready. Tommy cheated on me with some girl and left to live with her. He broke me, I felt like I couldn’t go on. Like every last ounce of happiness had been ripped from my soul. Even Ryleigh doesn’t even know this but I would like to share something with all of you. Before they showed up today I was contemplating ending my life. If she hadn’t shown up I probably wouldn’t even be alive right now. She reminded me that no matter how hard someone hurts you never give up. You never let them win, they don’t deserve to have that kind of control over you. It was something I can’t believe that I allowed myself to forget. Thank you Ryleigh for giving me a little bit of hope back … for reminding me that there are still 2 people who love me that need me on this earth. I can’t imagine not being here to watch this beautiful little girl grow up and teach her about the world. I can’t imagine not being by my best friends side when you finally find the right guy and you go to pick out the perfect wedding dress. I love you Ryleigh Nicole and I love you Lillian Grace.” He tickled Lilly’s tummy and she giggled snuggling against him.

“I love you Ad.” She responded still a mess of giggles.

Adam handed her back over to me then wrapped his arms around me and gave me a kiss noticing the tears spilling from my eyes. I didn’t realize that he wanted to kill himself … that I had been that close to losing the one man who had always been there. We walked back to our seats and noticed that everyone in the audience had tears in their eyes listening to his story. I sure hoped he’d be ok. I decided then and there that we would just stay with Adam for the rest of the tour.


	11. Love Is Love

It was a few weeks later and we were staying in a hotel overnight. Adam was putting Lilly to bed in the pack and play in the living room and I was lying in bed just relaxing. He walked into the room and laid down on top of me. Over the past few weeks he had been acting more romantic toward me but I could tell he was super confused with his feelings. I reached up and brushed his hair backward and he looked at me with his sparkling blue eyes. He had been so full of life with us there … everyone had been telling me that. He leaned upwards and slid off his shirt. I rubbed his back massaging every inch to the waistband of his jeans. He groaned in appreciation and relaxed even more.

“Poor Addy … they’re overworking you. Want me to give you a good massage?”

“That would be … lovely Ry.” He got up and laid down. I stood next to him and massaged his chest, arms, and neck. I put my hands at his waist of his jeans and tiled my head curiously.

“Commando or underwear?”

“Why don’t you find out for yourself …” He looked at me seductively and I smirked at him before slowing unzipping his fly and sliding his jeans down. It didn’t take long for me to notice that he wasn’t wearing anything underneath. I just looked up into his eyes and started at his waist massaging both legs all the way down to his toes. I was at his inner thighs and he let out a soft moan. I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to do but I could tell by his hardening cock that he was turned on. He could tell I was hesitating and he reached down and rubbed my arm. “It’s ok … I’ll take care of it. Sorry he’s a bit unappreciated lately … gets a little over enthusiastic at times.”

“Want me to leave?”

“You don’t have to, you can stay … if you want.” I sat next to him as he stroked his hard bulge moans trickling out of his mouth. God it was sexy as hell. After a few minutes I reached down and took his cock in my hand doing exactly what he had just been doing. He went crazy as I ran my thumb over the tip. Not even 5 minutes later he came hard all over his stomach. I got a washcloth and wiped off his stomach. His eyes were laser focused on my face so I leaned down and started kissing him. He slowly inserted his tongue in my mouth making me go weak in the knees. He flipped me onto my back and things started to get hot and heavy. He was kissing me so aggressively that I could barely get air … it was damn sexy though. I pulled away and took a deep breath and he panted and rubbed my cheek with his thumb. “Do you … want this?”

“Do you?”

He smiled and nodded before starting kissing me again. Except this time is was more loving and romantic than frantic. We made beautiful passionate love and it was everything, so perfect … so right. I curled up on his chest our naked bodies in a sweaty loving heap. I just listened to his heartbeat as he lovingly rubbed my back until I drifted off to sleep. In the morning I woke up alone in bed. I could hear the water from the shower turning off and a few minutes later he walked back into the bedroom completely dressed. He looked at me and gave me a half smile.

“Hi …”

“Hi …”

A heavy silence hung over the room and just as Adam opened his mouth to speak Lilly started calling out from the other room.

“I’ll go get her Ry.”

Before I could say anything he left the room. I quick slipped on my pajamas and sighed. Did we screw up our friendship by what happened? A few minutes later he brought Lilly into the room and she climbed up to me and curled up on my chest still a bit sleepy.

“Hey baby girl good morning.”

“Hi mommy. Park today?” I had promised the next time Adam had a day off we would go to the park but even on most of his days off he’d been SO busy with interviews and such.

“I don’t know sweetie … maybe later.”

“Come on Lilly, let’s get you dressed and then we’ll go downstairs and I’ll ask where one is. Let mommy relax ok?”

 She climbed down and Adam helped her get dressed before they both left. I sighed and jumped into the shower. By the time I was done twitter was abuzz with photos of them at a nearby park. I went down to the concierge desk and got directions and started walking the 4 blocks to the park. Adam didn’t see me as I walked up behind them. Lilly turned and ran into my arms a giggly mess. Adam smiled at me and chased after Lilly for a tickle attack. She was hysterically laughing and he finally caught her and brought her down to the ground tickling her. I ran over and playfully pushed Adam on his back away from her.

“Time to get Adam back Lilly … double team.”

He was EXTREMELY ticklish on his sides and we both attacked him as he wiggled beneath us. “Let me … goooo.”

He managed to get his arms free and moved Lilly out of the way so she didn’t get hurt. Then he nimbly attacked my neck causing me to flop over onto my back laughing. He stopped and just stared into my eyes. I leaned up and kissed his nose which made a smile appear. We could hear chatter from a growing number of fans so he quickly stood up and grabbed Lilly to head back to the hotel before it started to get out of hand. We went to grab breakfast at the little café in the lobby and Adam took a few pictures with some fans who were waiting nearby. Carrying our purchases back upstairs I kept catching him staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I knew he wanted to talk to me but didn’t want to in front of Lilly. I noticed that he was texting someone on his phone and suddenly I got a text message.

_-I love you Ry … I just really wanted you to know that. Last night was … everything._

I looked over at him and he gave me a heartbreaking smile. I wanted to go over to him and curl on his lap kissing those perfect lips but I couldn’t.

“Hey Lilly how about we call Nick and see if he’ll take you out shopping for a while. Would you like that?”

“Yes Mommy … yes a LOT.”

Of course Nick was happy to do it and a few minutes later he knocked on the door. I got up and answered the door getting a hug from him. Lilly saw that Nick was there and started jumping up and down.

“You’re gonna take me shopping!?!”

“I sure am come on Lillybug let’s get going. Say bye to mommy and Adam.”

“Bye!” She ran over and gave us both kisses and hugs.

“Just in case she wants something while you’re out. If you need more let me know when you get back. Just let her get what she wants within reason.” Adam reached into his pocket and handed Nick a $100 bill. As soon as the door locked behind them Adam sat down on the couch and opened up his arms. I gladly walked over snuggling in them. “Ry … I love you. I’m just so confused, the things I feel for you I never thought I would feel for a woman.”

“I know … I love you too. I know you’re confused … I’m confused too. I’ve always had feeling for you … you were there for me when no one else was. Without you I wouldn’t be here. But I came to amends with the fact I would never have you for my own. Now I just … last night was so perfect.”

“It was wasn’t it …” He laid down sliding his shirt off and pulled me down so I was curled up on his chest. I just laid there for what seemed like forever until I heard his sniffles. I looked up and noticed that he was crying.

“We don’t have to do this. It’s ok … I understand Addy.”

“But I want this … I’m just afraid. All the backlash that’s going to come my way … it’s going to be awful.” He sobbed as I brought my hand to his cheek and kissed his lips.

“Screw them … love is love.”

I reached up and fluffed his hair he smiled and reached into his pocket for his iPhone. He pulled it out and took a picture of us cuddling on the couch, me laying on his bare chest snuggled against his neck. He hesitated for a moment and then looked at me.

“What do you think about me posting it?”

“Go for it Addy.” He pulled it up and posted it on instagram. He thought about the caption for a moment and then decided on _‘My love <3\. I can’t wait to grow old with you and raise our beautiful daughter together. I love you my beautiful princess.’ _Almost immediately messages mostly of happiness but some of confusion, anger, and frustration came through. I just rubbed his tummy to relax him then I moved downward and littered his abdomen with butterfly kisses and short licks to his skin. I kissed my way up to his face and saw him frowning looking at his iPhone. I reached up and gently took the phone from him and tossed it onto a chair. “No more. Don’t let what strangers say carry so much weight. They don’t have the right to think they can control your life.”

“You’re perfect you know that right?”

“Only if you tell me …”

I snuggled against his smooth skin and drifted off to sleep.


	12. You Deserve The Best

When I woke up 4 hours later I was still snuggled on Adam’s chest and Lilly was sitting on the floor nearby coloring in a new coloring book. I yawned and sat upwards on Adam’s chest.

“What am I a chair now?”

“Yep … sure are.” Lilly started laughing and she too pulled herself up to sit on his chest.

“Nope … don’t you even think about it.” Adam teased as Lilly shrieked with joy.

He grabbed us both and started attacking us with tickles and wrestling. I ended up falling off the couch onto my back with a loud oomph. He immediately looked down concern apparent on his face.

“You ok?”

“Yeah … I’m fine.” Lilly had gone back to coloring so I yanked him off making him land on me.

“Oww …”  

“Payback Addy … payback.” I kissed him gently biting his lip while Lilly was distracted. I bit a little hard and a few drops of blood spilt out. I slid my tongue in his mouth lapping up the blood. I could feel his cock hardening against me and seductively smirked at him.                                                    

“Nick is coming back over in a few hours. I’m taking you on a date tonight … just the two of us.”

Lilly stopped coloring and looked up at Adam with her big blue eyes. “Can’t I come too?”

“Oh sweetie … it’s only for adults. Tomorrow morning we’re traveling to the next city and once we get there I promise I’ll take you on a date with us.” Soon nighttime came and he took me out to this fancy restaurant. We could see that a crowd had started to form outside and Adam let out a loud sigh. I reached over and rubbed the back of his hand. “They never leave me alone … they’re always there and I just want ‘me’ time sometimes. I hate never having it anymore.”

“One of the pitfalls of being famous I guess. Just ignore them ok … pretend they’re not here.” He just got really quiet and slowly started eating as soon as they brought it. I could tell that it really bothered him not being able to have a simple private moment. “Adam … is everything ok?” There was no response as he just stared at his plate. I could tell that he wasn’t completely listening. I reached over and rubbed his cheek bringing him back to reality.

“Sorry, did you say something?”

“Is everything ok?”

“Yeah … yeah I’m fine.” I gave him my ‘ _I know you’re lying’_ face and he let out a sigh before continuing. “It’s just strange. I used to be afraid to show affection in public because of homophobic assholes. Now that I can show affection to someone I love and not be afraid, it’s just surreal. At the same time there was all this judgment before and now when I thought it would stop there’s just as much.”

“It’s new to them Addy … just give it time. Let them get used to it, to us.”

“Come here?” I walked over and cuddled next to him on his side of the booth. I rested my head on his shoulder and he started feeding me the rest of my dinner.

I giggled taking another piece of manicotti in my teeth. “I can feed myself Addy …”

“I know … but I don’t want you to. I want to pamper you.”

“You always have … you’ve always been a perfect gentleman.”

“That was just a taste … you haven’t seen anything yet. You deserve the world Ry and I’m going to give it to you.”

We finished up eating and then we headed outside where the fans were waiting. They ran over to Adam and were begging him for pictures and autographs. He looked at me for approval and I nodded moving off to the side to allow him to spend a few minutes with them. They started coming over to me too and surrounding me snapping pictures and shouting questions. It was super scary to be surrounded like that and I just closed up backing against a wall as they surrounded me. Suddenly I heard Adam’s voice boom over the crowd.

“HEY back away from her!!! He lightly pushed his way in toward me and got in between me and the crowd wrapping his arms around me. “It’s ok Ry … I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

The crowd moved back as they realized that the craziness had upset me. Adam wrapped his arm tightly around me and we started walking the couple blocks to the hotel. We could hear yelling for him to come back but he continued walking. We got to the lobby and he let out a sigh. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah … I’m fine just reminded me of …”

“You’re ok now I got you …”

“I just … need you.” He pulled me into a tight hug and kissed my forehead smoothing back my hair. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy but love never is right?


	13. She's All I Have Left

The tour was extended another 6 months overseas but we still tagged along with Adam. He was super busy once we got over there and I didn’t see him as much but I still felt incredibly blessed. I was all dressed up in a fancy party dress waiting for him to come back from a day of promo seeing as we were supposed to go to a fancy gala for dinner and dancing. He was supposed to be back at 5pm but it was now 6:30pm and he still wasn’t there. I gave up on waiting and walked out on the balcony to enjoy a bit of the fresh air. It was a little nippy on my bare arms but at the same time it felt good. About 30 minutes later the sliding door to the balcony opened and Adam stepped out. He took one look at me in my fancy dress looking upset and sighed.

“I’m so sorry Ry … they needed me to do promo. Said it wasn’t important for me to be seen at that dinner.”

“It’s … alright.”

“It’s not alright … I can tell by your face.” I bit my lip and turned looking over the railing.

“I just really wanted to dance with you … to feel for the first time since we’ve been over here that I’m #1. I know you have your career and I understand that but I just feel so alone.”

Adam just looked at me and frowned before walking back inside. I thought he was just going to bed so I stayed put on the balcony. However about 15 minutes later I got a text on my phone from him.

_-Take the elevator to the 5 th floor. Get off the elevator and turn left. Take the first hallway on your left and walk straight to the doors. _

_Ok …_

I did what I was asked and when I got to the doors I opened them and walked outside into a little garden with a fountain. It was like a courtyard built in the middle of the hotel … it was pretty neat. Out of nowhere Adam walked in front of me wearing his suit. He pulled me close and we started dancing in the middle of the garden my head pressed against his chest. He spun me around and I giggled. We were out there a good 30 minutes just slowly dancing around the open area in the center. I looked up at him and started kissing him. He pulled away after a few minutes and looking into my eyes.

“You look so beautiful tonight Ryleigh. I couldn’t make all that work go to waste.”

“This reminds me of when you took me to the Valentine’s dance.”

“You were beautiful then too.”

“Addy … I really miss you.”

“I’m right here sweetheart …” He put his hand over my heart and I sighed putting my head down. “What?”

“You’re always busy. At least with Tommy when you went out he went out with you. I don’t get to do that.”

“You can come with … you’re always welcome.”

“I know, but I don’t want to expose Lilly to all that craziness all the time. It’s bad enough how many times she gets her picture taken when she’s out with you or when we both are.” He tensed up a bit getting a little defensive. That was the last thing I wanted.

“You know I wouldn’t let anything happen to her. I don’t know what you want me to do Ry … I can’t change the schedule or the concert dates.”

“I know that Addy I just … never mind.”

“No … tell me.”

“No it’s not important. I’m going to head up to bed alright?”

I kissed his cheek and walked upstairs. Lilly was spending the night with Ashley, who was Adam’s bassist, so we were alone in the hotel room. I got changed into pjs and a few minutes later the door unlocked and Adam came walking in. I was snuggled in the bed with the lights off so he quietly got changed and curled in bed. He noticed I was awake and went to pull me in close. I hesitated for a moment but then I allowed him to.

“Ry … please tell me?”

“Are you happy? Are you happy with me?”

“Yes of course I am.”

“I see the way you look at guys … the glow you get on your face when one compliments you. I don’t see that with me. We haven’t had sex for weeks.”

“Ry I’ve been so busy … and I … I can’t help but look.”

“I know that … I just don’t want you staying in this relationship because you feel sorry for me. I’m not worth sacrificing your happiness for.  I understand …” Adam didn’t say anything and I could just tell, my heart nearly shattered in a million tiny shards but I didn’t let him see. I slowly got up and went to walk out of the bedroom.

“You don’t have to go … you can stay here.”

“It’s just … easier Adam.”

I went out into the “living room” and curled up on the couch feeling both relieved that he could finally be himself and completely broken. While I laid there I brought up flights on my phone and sighed. It would be easier to take Lilly back to LA and get her in a preschool class so she could interact with kids her own age. I booked a flight to leave at 11am and set my alarm for 7am. When I got up Adam was gone already and Nick was over in the hotel room watching Lilly who was already wide awake. I got up and gave Lilly a hug and kiss before starting to pack our stuff. Nick walked into the room and looked at me confused.

“Why are you packing … are you leaving?”

“Yeah we’re heading back to LA. Our flight is in 4 ½ hours.”

“What?!? Why?!? I can’t believe Adam didn’t tell me.” His eyes looked so broken … so confused. We had gotten pretty close while I was there … he was my best friend on the road, next to Adam anyway.

“It’ll just be easier … Lilly needs to be in a preschool class with kids her own age. This touring life isn’t good for her. He didn’t tell you because he doesn’t know.” The suitcases were finally full so I smashed them down trying to get the zipper to close.

“So you’re just up and leaving without giving him so much as a goodbye? He broke up with you didn’t he …”

“We broke up with each other … it was mutual.”

“Doesn’t seem like it was …”

“WELL IT WAS!!” Immediately I regretted yelling and walked over giving him a hug. “I didn’t mean to yell like that I apologize. It’s just for the best Nick … for everyone.”

“Well … I’m going to miss you both A LOT.”

“I’m going to miss you too … thank you for always being willing to watch Lilly. Thank you for always being someone I could to vent to.”

“Hey I can still be one … you have my phone number. I’m always just a call away.”

By this time Lilly had wandered into the room and Nick picked her up and gave her a huge hug. “I’m going to miss you little one.”

“Mommy are we leaving?”

“Yeah baby … we’re going home to Los Angeles.”

“I don’t wanna go … I wanna stay with Nick and Daddy.” I cringed hearing her say Daddy. She had taken to calling him that a few months before out of the blue. I mean he was technically her father anyway so it was true. It was just hard to hear right then.

“You can’t stay … you have to come with Mommy ok?”

“Can’t I say goodbye to Daddy?”

“He’s busy … we’ll call him once we’re home.” She proceeded to sob huge crocodile tears making their way down her face. She looked absolutely devastated. I finished packing all her stuff and then went and picked up Lilly. She was clinging to me sobbing hell hard on my shoulder. “I know baby … it’ll all be better once we get home I promise.”

“But daddy won’t … be there.”

“No but he’s not really here now. He’s always gone isn’t he?”

We caught a taxi to the airport and once we were waiting in the terminal I opened my phone to send Adam a text.

_We’re at the airport waiting for our flight back to LA. Just wanted to tell you goodbye._

I knew he was in interviews all morning but not even 15 minutes later my phone started ringing. I saw that it was him and hesitated a moment before answering.

_“Hello?”_

_“You’re leaving? Because of last night?”_

_“No not just because of that. It’s something I’d been debating a few weeks now. Lilly needs to be in a stable environment, she needs to be with kids her own age.”_

_“Please … don’t go. We need to talk.”_

_“Why Adam, there isn’t anything else we can possibly say to each other that would change anything.”_

Upon hearing me say Adam, Lilly started sobbing and yelling out ‘ _Daddy please don’t make me go. I want to stay with you. I don’t want to go back to LA_.’

“Lilly hush, stop!”

_“Ryleigh she doesn’t want to leave don’t make her!”_

_“She’s MY daughter.”_

_“Yeah well she’s also MINE.”_

_“Look I don’t want to argue with you I really don’t. This is for the best for all of us …”_

_“No … no it’s not.”_

I got curious for a moment because I could hear someone nearby saying the exact words. I looked up and there stood Adam not even 15 feet away. Lily saw him and took off running into his arms and starting to cry hysterically. I hung up my phone and just stayed where I was. He walked over and sat down next to me holding Ryleigh.

“I thought you had interviews all morning.”

“I did … I cancelled the rest of them to get here. I needed to see you.”

“Well … maybe I didn’t want to see you.”

He looked at me and saw how completely broken I was, tears streaming down my face. His heart broke seeing the pain that he caused me. “Ry, I … I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

“You know what? I knew this would happen … I knew it. But still I allowed myself to fall head over heels for you. I don’t want to see you right now, it hurts far too much my heart is in a million tiny pieces …”

“You still have me Ry … I’m always here. I love you so much, I never wanted to cause you so much pain. I just really don’t want to be without the two of you. Can you both stay?”

“If Lilly wants to stay with you I guess she can. I’m not, I need to go back to work so Lilly and me can have a nice little apartment by the time you head back.”

“I’m not throwing you out Ry … you can stay as long as you want.”

“We need our own place … a space to call our own. Lilly, do you want to stay with daddy?”

“Can I?!?” Her little eyes lit up and Adam looked at me as I bit my lip tears running down my cheeks nodding. She ran over and hopped on my lap. I just held her close and sobbed. I didn’t want to be without her, now I really would be alone. There was finally a boarding call and I got up a complete mess. I didn’t want to let go of her. I just looked at Adam and gave Lilly one last hug and kiss.

“Please … don’t let anything happen to her. She’s my world … all I have left.”

Before he could say anything I grabbed my carry on and shuffled off toward the waiting plane.


	14. Can We Call This Official

The next 4 months were super hard without anyone. I got a job teaching 1st grade and spent my free time looking for an apartment. I talked to Lilly every night before she went to bed but it just wasn’t the same. She looked so happy to be there with her dad she loved him so much. Adam had met a guy in Finland 2 weeks after I left and they had become inseparable. He had continued out the tour with him and seeing the three of them in pictures together killed me. I had started talking to Nick A LOT. He was the one that really helped me get through this whole time seeing as I didn’t really talk to Adam other than maybe saying goodnight when we’d have our face time calls. Exactly a week before they were due home I moved in our apartment. The day finally arrived and Adam texted me to let me know they were home. So I drove over to his house and beeped. A few moments later he walked outside and over to my window which I rolled down.

“Come inside for a while I want you to meet someone. I wanted us all to have dinner together.”

“We have plans that can’t be changed … please go get Lilly’s stuff and bring her outside.”

“But … she wants to stay for dinner. We promised her she could …” Adam looked almost panicked in a way like by me having plans it was totally screwing up everything.

“Well you shouldn’t have made promises you didn’t know if you could keep. Please … go get her we’re going to be late.” He retreated into the house and a few minutes later walked back out carrying a sobbing Lilly. I got out of the car expecting her to get excited when she saw me but she just stayed wrapped around Adam refusing to let go. “Come on Lilly we have to go. I have a surprise for you and we’re going to be late!”

“I don’t want your surprise … I want to stay for dinner.”

“You can eat dinner here anytime come on sweetie.”

“NO!!!” She was clinging to Adam her little fists clenched in frustration. Adam reached up brushing her hair back with his hand.

“Come on Lilly, Mommy wants to leave. She has a special surprise for you, you love surprises.”

“But you promised I could stay …”

“I know and I shouldn’t have before I knew if mommy wanted you to do something. You can come over for dinner anytime you want.”

“But I didn’t say bye to Sauli …” Adam looked at me and rage filled my face.

“We’re going to hit traffic we need to go NOW. Please put her in the car.”

Adam fought with a struggling Lilly and finally got her to sit in her booster. She just kept crying and carrying on so I shut the door and walked around to my side and drove off leaving Adam standing at the curb. The more we drove the harder she started to cry.

“Lilly come on stop.”

“I hate you!! I want to live with daddy and Sauli like I talked about with them. They said it would be ok. I don’t want to be with you!”

Tears started flowing from my eyes and I turned the car around going back to Adam’s. I pulled against the curb and got out walking around the car. I flung open the door and grabbed her bags then got her out of the booster and grabbed her arm leading her to the front door. I started banging on it and a few moments later Adam opened it. I shoved the bags as him and gave Lilly a nudge in the door.

“Just keep her for dinner. She wants to live with you like you apparently talked about so just keep her here. She hates me.”

He saw how upset I was and went to say something but I just walked away driving down the block where I just parked my car against the curb and sobbed. My daughter … my own flesh and blood hated me. My phone started ringing and I realized it was Adam so I didn’t answer. I just picked up my phone and sent out a text to him.

_Thanks for turning Lilly against me it’s very much appreciated._

He started to call me again a few minutes later so I answered.

_“WHAT the FUCK do you want?!?!”_

_“Lilly wants to say something to you. Lilly here’s the phone.”_

_“Sorry mommy …”_ She handed the phone back to Adam immediately and I just sat there sobbing.

_“Ryleigh … please don’t cry.”_

_“Oh what you care now? You’ve wanted nothing to do with me since you found your little fuckboy. You took my daughter from me and then completely pushed me out of your life. Making plans to keep her at your house and telling her it would be completely ok. How do you think it felt being alone here without ANYONE?!? You let a stranger around my daughter and now she hates me. Don’t think I don’t know that you coached her on just saying sorry. I wanted to leave because I bought her tickets to go to the circus. I wanted to spend time with her, I missed her so god damn much. To see that she didn’t even care I was there just … Congratulations Adam … you have your perfect fucking family.”_

I hung up the phone and slowly drove to my apartment. I called Nick and he came down to the apartment and just held me as I cried. I just stayed snuggled in his arms feeling loved and protected for the first time in a long time. It was getting really late so he stretched.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I want you to stay … if you want.”

“Of course Ry.” He tried to lay down on the couch but he was too tall and his legs hung off a good 8 inches.

“You could sleep in my room? You’d be more comfortable.” I caught a little smile as he nodded … a little too enthusiastically if you ask me. He followed me into the bedroom and went to take his shirt off but hesitated. “If you sleep shirtless that’s fine … I don’t mind.”

I turned away from him and put on the tank top I normally slept in to go with the sweats I was already wearing. I got in bed and he followed a moment later. God he looked sexy. I moved closer to him snuggling up against his bare chest. I could feel his increased heartbeat and based on his body language I guessed he really liked me and truth be told I really liked him too. He made me feel special, like Adam had. I decided to test my theory and tipped my head toward his chest placing soft sensual kisses on his chest. There was no denying the moan the slipped out his mouth. I leaned upward a bit staring into his eyes as I slowly kissed my way up his chest. When I got to his mouth I allowed his tongue access giving him the opportunity to take over. I moved on his chest and I could feel his hard-on growing underneath me. Gently, I started grinding on him making him moan into my mouth. He pulled away gasping for air.

“Mmm damn … sooo good.”

“I … want … more.”

I flopped on my back teasingly spreading my legs wide for him and seductively sucking on my fingers. He gave me exactly what I wanted collapsing afterward completely exhausted. I curled up on his chest and kissed him before snuggling close and falling fast asleep. In the morning I woke up to him running his fingers through my hair. I looked into his eyes and gave him a sleepy smile.

“Well good morning princess …”

“Morning …” I nuzzled against him and kissed his lips. He smiled at me and held me close.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted this … wow last night was just wow. Would you like to call this … official?”

“Yeah … I’d like that.”


	15. Meeting The Love Of His Life

Over the next 3 months we got super close and he ended up moving in with me. I couldn’t believe that the love of my life had been right in front of me all this time. Lilly usually called me every night before bed on her own choosing and we had gone out to lunch a few times. I still hadn’t met the infamous Sauli that she always rambled about. I was at least on speaking terms with Adam again but barely. Mostly just a quick Hello when he dropped Lilly off or goodnight when Lilly facetimed me. They didn’t know that I was dating Nick we kept it a secret for now anyway. It was the morning of the 4th of July and I got a face time alert from Lilly. I answered it and saw she was sitting on Adam’s lap.

_“Hi mommy! We’re having a picnic would you please come over.”_

_“I … I don’t know.” I could see her little eyes break and it hurt my heart. “Alright … what time?”_

_“It’s 12:30pm Ry.”_

Just then Nick walked into the room and before I could tell him not to yell out he did. “Hey babe who are you talking to?”

Adam immediately recognized his voice and he scrunched up his face in confusion. _“Nick is there?”_

_“Yeah it’s Nick …”_

_“May I ask why?”_

_“He lives here … we’re dating. Now I guess the secrets out.”_ Adam just stared at the camera and smiled.

_“I’m happy for you Ry. Nick can come too if he wants. We’d be happy to have him too.”_

_“Thanks … I have to get ready. I’ll see you then.”_

_“Bye mommy … I love you.”_

_“I love you … more than you’ll ever know.”_

I blew a kiss to her and disconnected. Nick looked at me and gave me a sheepish grin.

“Sorry … I didn’t know you were using face time.”

“It’s alright it had to come out sooner or later. Will you go over to his house later with me for a picnic?”

“Sure … you’re actually going over there?”

“Yeah … I figured I’d go for Lilly’s sake.”

Before I knew it, it was 12:15pm so we started the drive to Adam’s when we got to the front door I knocked on it and a few moments later Adam walked over. Upon seeing that I actually showed he got a smile on his face.

“I’m really glad you came … really glad.” He stood there for a moment and I couldn’t help it I wrapped my arms around him for a hug. He immediately wrapped his around me as well as my tears hit his chest. “Hey it’s ok … it’s ok. I’m sorry I haven’t been there.”

“I’m … sorry too. I missed you so much.”

“And I’ve missed you Ry. So very much.” He kissed my forehead and just held onto me for a good extra minute before I slowly pulled away wiping my tears. I smiled and he smiled back at me rubbing my cheek with his thumb. “There’s the Ry I know and that beautiful smile.”

“Addy, can we go back to the way things were? I really want you back in my life …”

“Of course, I want you back in mine too. More than anything, my beautiful best friend.” Suddenly he realized that Nick was standing behind me the whole time and smiled. “Hey Nick … I didn’t realize you were here too. You care for her you hear me? This girl isn’t just the mother of my daughter she is the reason I’m here today. Don’t you dare hurt her!”

“I wouldn’t even imagine hurting her. She’s everything to me.” He opened his arms and I walked over snuggling myself into them. Adam watched with a huge smile on his face.

“Come outback everything is out there. You can meet Sauli Ry …”

The three of us walked outside and I got a smile on my face when I saw how blissfully happy Lilly was Sauli chasing her all around the yard. She got into the pool and he followed chasing her then pulling her close and spinning her around. She noticed me and got out running over dripping wet.

“Mommy!”

I scooped her up getting soaked in the process but I didn’t care. She looked so relieved that I was there, that all the tension around us had been lifted. I looked up and saw that Adam was walking toward me with Sauli. I put Lilly down and she ran over to Nick who was standing by the grill, to say hello.

“Ry this is Sauli … Sauli this is Ryleigh.”

“Hi …”

“Hi Ryleigh … it’s really nice to finally meet you.” He extended his hand in greeting but I ignored it instead giving him a hug which he happily reciprocated. He was such a cutie with his fluffy blonde hair and adorable accent.

The longer we spent the more I could see just how much they loved each other and exactly how much he loved Lilly. We because fast friends before the end of the night feeling more at peace than I had in FOREVER. How could I hate a man who treated my best friend like gold and my precious baby girl like she was his own? Nick had work the next morning so he had a friend pick him up but I just lounged on one of the chairs next to Adam on the patio watching the two of them in the pool.

“She really likes him …”

“Yeah, he spends a lot of time with her. That’s his little buddy.”

“I’m really sorry the way I acted Addy, you just really … hurt me.” Adam frowned and rubbed my arm taking my hand in his.

“I know I did … and for that I’m truly sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you … you didn’t deserve to be abandoned like that.”

“I wasn’t exactly alone … I talked to Nick almost every day. If it wasn’t for him I don’t know if I would’ve gotten through not having Lilly or you. I missed her so much … she is everything to me.”

“You know why she didn’t want to live with you right? She was afraid that you wouldn’t let her come see me. That you would take her away.”

“I wouldn’t have done that … she needs you. I only live not even 10 minutes from here. She could come see you anytime she wants.”

“She needs her mom too. She cries all the time that she misses you.”

“She can come stay with me anytime … I told you that.” I let out a yawn and wrapped my arms across my chest trying to warm up as a cold breeze brushed my exposed arms.

“Awe are you cold?”

“A little …” He got up and moved the chairs together so they were touching. Then he pulled me in close to him wrapping his arms around me. Being that close to him, smelling his intoxicating scent brought back so many happy memories of our beautiful friendship. I couldn’t help but let a few tears hit his chest. He lifted up in face and gently wiped them away. “I missed this …”

“Me too Ry … me too.”

He gently ran his fingers through my hair and I dozed off happy to be with my best friend.


	16. Saving My Life

It was hard to believe that the picnic had been 9 months ago and now I laid in a hospital bed not sure of what my outcome was going to be. I hadn’t told Adam or Sauli that I was sick and even though she was now living with us, Lilly was too little to understand. But now we didn’t have a choice … I had taken a turn for the worst and things were looking extremely dim. They had diagnosed me with aplastic anemia and I needed a bone marrow transplant. They had been searching for nearly a month to no avail. They had told me and Nick that morning to have everyone come to say goodbye due to my current state. Nick had left for Adam’s house to talk to him about it. It wasn’t exactly something you tell someone over the phone. About an hour later Nick and Adam came walking into the room. Adam was a complete mess his makeup smudged all down his cheeks. He leaned down and held my frail body.

“But you looked so good went I just saw you a few weeks ago.”

“I took a turn … for the worst … a few days after you both left … for New York.”

“How’s Lilly … taking it?”

“She doesn’t know what’s wrong. She doesn’t know … how sick I am. Where’s Sauli?”

“He’s in the waiting room … they only let 2 people back at a time.”

“Nick, I want to … see him.” Nick nodded and walked out of the room. A few minutes later Sauli came walking in. He was a mess too, we had gotten really close. He leaned down to give me a hug and I nuzzled against him. “I love you ... Sauli. I love the both of you … so much.”

“I love you ... Ryleigh.”

“I love you too baby girl.”

“What do you need to get better?”

“Bone marrow … transplant. They can’t find … a donor.”

“Can we get tested?”

I nodded and Sauli buzzed for the doctor who took the both of them down for testing and also agreed to let Nick back in the room with us. This time he also brought in Lilly to see me for a few minutes. His mom had been watching her and she dropped her off to say hello.

“Hey baby girl. I love you SO much.”

“I love you too Mommy.” Nick lifted her onto the bed and she just curled up on my chest crying. I just held her lightly rubbing her back with my free arm.

“Are you ok?”

“Mommy’s just … tired right now baby.”

Adam and Sauli walked in and smiled seeing Lilly. “Hey princess.”

“Hi daddy … hi Sauli.” She looked up at them but stayed curled up on me.

“You can go see … them baby.”

“No … I want to stay here.” She had her head resting listening to my heartbeat. In some way it was comforting to her. About 15 minutes later Nick went to take her away from me and she let out a wail grabbing me tighter. “Please don’t make me go … Mommy please.”

“You have to baby … they won’t let you stay longer. I love you … so much. I’m so very … proud of you.” I gave her a kiss and she sadly went with Nick to go back with his mom. As soon as she was out of the room I started to cry. I could’ve just seen my daughter for the last time. Both Adam and Sauli sat by me holding my hand, and I ended up falling asleep. When I woke up Nick was staring at me with a mask on his face.

“Baby Adam was a match … they did the transplant.”

“How … is he? I want to see him.”

“He’s fine just recovering. As soon as he can he said he’d come see you.”

About an hour later the door opened and Adam walked in with Sauli. I started crying and he walked over and gently rubbed my cheek.

“Thank you … thank you so … much. How are you … feeling?”

“Of course Ry … I didn’t have to think twice. I’m ok just a little sore. They said that’s completely normal.”

“I’m so … sleepy.”

“You just rest … we’re not going anywhere.”


	17. He Kept His Promise

** 3 years later **

I stared in the floor length mirror in a dressing room admiring the beautiful sparkly white dress that we had designed. It was perfect … just like the drawing. The designer Melanie was standing next to me and she smiled at me.

“This is beautiful … thank you so much.”

“Anything for you Ryleigh. Any friend of Adam’s is a friend of mine. You ready to go out there and show everyone?”

“Yeah …”

I slowly stepped down and walked out into the salon. Adam, Sauli and Lilly were waiting on a couch for me and the second they saw me they all gasped and the tears immediately started flowing down my cheeks. They all ran over and hugged me Adam holding on the longest allowing me to wrap completely around him.

“Told you I couldn’t wait to be here for you when you picked your dress.”

“You did one better … you helped me design it. You bought it … for me.”

“Of course baby girl … I’d do anything for you.” He pulled out his phone and grouped us all together on the couch before Melanie took a picture for us with brilliant smiles on our faces. Nick wasn’t on twitter or instagram so he knew he’d be safe to post it. I leaned in and kissed his cheek as he added a caption to it.

_@adamlambert: Ryleigh just tried on her finished wedding dress for the first time. The two of us designed it with my good friend Melanie Strauss. Doesn’t she look stunning … I love my beautiful bestie. Two weeks and counting <3      _


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